Why am I wide awake???

why why why???

I just know I'm going to feel like shit in the morning...

I think it's my overactive libido giving me trouble again. HELP!!!!!

What a lovely weekend

I spent saturday night getting reacquainted with my old friend Sid. It was like settling into a comfy old armchair...and has made me realise that my head is largely a very happy place, which is a good thing and something I am grateful for. Mike, Moody and I were up at the bar playing tunes and then when we came hom I called Bongo and told him that he had to come and join us as we had a surprise for him. So he got in a taxi and bounded straight over...not quite knowing what to expect. I think he was pleasantly surprised by what lay in wait. We used Moody's projector to watch south park amongst other things. Mike wanted to project porn on to the wall of the house opposite through the window but I was worried that the neighbours might freak out and call the police...

Would have been funny though...*sigh*

I'm at home considering making lemon drizzle cake now. Got the week off work and it's lovely having no pressures, have to admit that I have wasted a large part of the day doing nothing - but it's ok cos I can!!!!

Might have to summon some kind of forward motion to get me to the shop to buy ingredients.

Frisky...so so frisky.

Continuing with the theme that has ...AHEMMM...been quite common with me over the past few weeks (months/year or so???) I am the girl with a one track mind...a dirty one. Oh dear god it's relentless. Spent ten minutes before leaving for work chatting to a girl *friend* (no, NOT the 18 year old) on msn with Mike. She lives in manchester...I have said that we may have to go visit my dad soon as there is now a reason...lol. She wasn't offended the other day when I told her that she was upper middle on my list but that I have a thing for dangerous looking brunettes a la Angelina or megan Fox (yummmmmmmm) and therefore she wouldn't be able to get to the top of it...

I swear that meeting Moody has compounded all this as we all end up talking about sex all the time and naturally talking about it all the time leads to having it at the front of my mind and as we all know I have VERY low boundaries when it comes to that kind of thing. Nice to rediscover myself but i really had forgotten how filthy I actually am!!!!!!!!!!!!

The picture is VERY appropriate if you know anything about tarot. It's not an evil card but represents the hidden side of our nature - sexuality, altered states etc. Oh how apt!!

I am a pervert.

I have come to the conclusion that i am a pervert and so are all of my best friends. Does this mean that in actual fact we are the normal ones and everyone else is perverted for not being like us?

I think the new movement is going to be about art and music and SEX and tarot (but less flouncy than the pre-raphaelites), unashamed and in CAPITAL letters. Dali was on to something...but although masturbation is great, he was missing a trick by sticking just to that.

humming with anticipation and detonating things along the way...

Either I'm about to have a mental breakdown or something exciting is about to happen - I can't work out which.

Note to self: Must try not to be moody with Mike when work is pissing me off. He doesn't take it very well...as demonstrated by complete his over-reaction to a throwaway comment I made this morning...followed by him comparing me to Andy's girlfriend Claire, who has been behaving like the bitch-whore from hell recently. I think I was within my rights to tell him i was upset with the comparison. Keep forgetting the cancerian propensity to be oversensitive moody and reactionary whilst waving their claws around trying to take a chunk out of whoever is standing close by. And I should be wise to these things, i've had enough cancerians in my life to know their habits by now...

Got next week off, time to start planning my life overhaul in DETAIL.

This is the sad aubergine - I've found him!!

I might be a bit knackered (and dizzy) today as a result of the weekends 'activities' but I am still a little bit inspired. I really must catch up on some sleep tonight. Oh, and have some (lots of..?) sex - otherwise I'll get all growley and that's not much fun for anyone around me.

Good news - house valued at somewhere in the £190-195,000 mark.

Bad news - had to have yet another cold shower this morning and it almost killed me.

Dr Moody is lovely, we all had such a nice time doing bugger all on the sofa yesterday and being pleasantly pickled. If only I hadn't had to come into work today (dizzy and motivation aren't a good mix). Mike is feeling as rough as I am and he's supposed to be going to Glastonbury on a Batmink run to sort out the mixer that's been fixed. Judging by how he was looking when he dropped me off here in Nailsea he won't get much further than back home and bed. Lucky bugger.

Things to do:-

• Get House valuation


• look into t-shirt printing viability and costs - if viable, get operation on the go to print H Ren t-shirts


• Buy job lot of sex toys for re-sale on ebay


• sort out financial agreement with soon to be ex husband


• finalise divorce


• put house on market if price is right


• move into warehouse or live/workspace with H Ren


• open cock shop on old market


• jack in job (or get made redundant when everything goes down shit pan) and do something far more interesting and creative


• get djing on the go properly


• start new cultural movement with friends


• along with friends and boyfriend be more fabulous than Madonna, Andy Warhol and Liza minelli put together and then some.

There. I think that's my mission statement sorted, not necessarily in intended chronological order. Might add to all this as i go along.

Having decided to sort my life out I am now finding that I seem to have to talk to my ex on the phone every five minutes which is really ANNOYING. Mainly because he doesn't seem to know his arse from his elbow when it comes to how we are handling the legal side of things - and his solicitor doesn't seem to be much better. So i may or may not be in court tomorrow - dependant on if his legal rep can be bothered to get the paperwork to the court asking for things to be called off before the hearing or not. Unfortunately as I have been an ostrich for so long I'm not properly in a position to criticise - but HONESTLY.

On a different note I'm getting more excited about the warehouse idea every time I think about it. I've got two estate agents coming to value the house on saturday and if they tell me it's worth more than £180,000 I am all up for getting the fuck rid of it. Fingers crossed. If not, then I am not sure what plan b is but I think it involves forms and signatures and getting Euan to move in and take over the burden until it's sold so that i can move on with my life in the way that i want to.

My stomach hurts like hell but despite this I am feeling incredibly industrious and have made some important decisions regarding the situation with my house.i am fed up of worrying about money realted issues to do with it and Euan and the whole shebang, and I (dependant on estate agents valuations) want out - to sell up and start a whole new chapter. H. Rens warehouse idea sounds like a goer. We could be like Andy Warhol's factory, but without the gay guys sucking horses cocks and shotting up heroin - if this isn't the truth I blame the fact that i have the idea from watching Factory Girl (have to begrudgingly admit that Sienna Miller was good as Edie Sedgewick - not the fluff bucket that i had her pegged as).

Time for some forward motion in my life I think. I can't wait!!

So much happened at the weekend that i couldn't sleep last night for ages and now I'm KNACKERED. The plus side is that the barriers have come down completely in my relationship and it's a very positive thing for both of us. It's nice to reach a place where you understand each other fully and can let go of the fear of the unknown. It's also exciting to know that we are on the same page about stuff that was looking like it was turning into a bit of an issue. So, relieved that my gamble last night paid off and really HAPPY and relaxed. And he is too. So it's all good.

If you want to know the Angelina Jolie connection I'll tell you...